adrian’s birth story

23 Weeks Pregnant

I start Adrian’s birth story here, not long after I left off part 1 of pregnancy in my blog post Naming Adrian Ray. It was mid-December and life was busy. Our 20-week sonogram revealed Adrian to be in the 99th-percentile for his size. In addition to my body adjusting to carrying him, I was planning and throwing work holiday parties, two kid’s birthday parties, preparing for Christmas, and fending off winter sickness. During my daughter Eliza’s 4th birthday party, I had pushed my body so hard that I could not even walk. I was paralyzed from pain in my SI joint, having to ask other parents to serve cake because I could quite literally barely move.

This was a turning point for me because I knew I had done this to myself. My pride said I was pushing hard for other people and good things, but now my relentless push was impacting not just me, but those around me, and my ability to enjoy pregnancy. On top of the pain, I still had 4 more months of pregnancy to go, and Adrian would only grow bigger.

I scheduled a massage for the next week, on my 33rd birthday. During this massage, the massage therapist told me I had the worst knot on the left glute muscle he had ever seen. So much of my pain was related to tightness and imbalances as I carried Adrian. I was prescribed epsom salt baths, foam rolling, massaging, and regular stretching.

As the massage therapist left the room, I took a few moments of silence to myself in prayer. Tears streamed from my face, right there on the bed, as I made a promise to Adrian that I would take better care of myself. Not for me, but for him, and for my family. No more excuses. I needed God’s help to create major habit changes.

Adrian’s pregnancy showed me more fully how to surrender control to God, listen to my body, and take care of myself in motherhood.

From that point on I started daily exercise, massage, heat, and stretching. I joined a female-only gym that offered weightlifting and boot camp style workouts. I remember my first workout at Blush, I couldn’t run, and regularly had to stop my work out because Braxton Hicks contractions were so bad at any bit of abdomen engagement (though I was only 26 weeks pregnant). But every day, I spent 1-2 hours developing these healthy habits and routines.

As Adrian became bigger, my body was getting stronger. Within 3 weeks I started noticing a difference in pain management, and within 6 weeks I was pain free.

Instead of surviving my third trimester of pregnancy – one that will most likely be my last – I was able to enjoy the season. I had more energy for motherhood, marriage, and work. I was able to focus not on physical pain but on the joy of the life that was being knitted in my womb.

36 Weeks Pregnant

Around 36.5 weeks, I was checked for dilation and learned that I was already dilated to 5cm and Adrian was head down. Adrian continued to measure in the 97th-percentile for his size though my fluid levels had stabilized. Kevin and I decided that we would take the next week to make all our final preparations in the house.

The following week was a whirlwind! On March 1, we switched CJ to a big boy bed and all three kids were sleeping in the same room. We moved furniture around to get the nursery ready for Adrian’s arrival, we unpacked baby clothes, purchased the last of our baby gear, and packed our hospital bags. On top of that, we had three unplanned plumbing “emergencies” hit our home from leaking water to backups that translated to two visits from the plumber and Kevin installing a new toilet in one bathroom and a new floor in another bathroom.

37 Weeks Pregnant

We had made it another week, but we were exhausted from house renovations and our to-do list and ready to slow down. We went into our appointment on a Monday, and Kevin had lasik surgery scheduled for the next day. To our surprise, we found out at this appointment (around 37.5 weeks pregnant) that my body had progressed to dilation of 6-7cm.

I was in complete shock. My doctor joked with me, only 3 centimeters left to go! Do you want to have a baby today? As I processed the initial news, we talked through with my doctor the risks versus benefits of waiting for my body to start labor naturally.

Benefits: Full-term is 39 weeks, and there are some developmental positives for baby if you can make it to this milestone.

Risks: If my water breaks at home, between shuffling three kids around and anticipating a fast labor, will we make it to the hospital in time?

I am so grateful for my doctor and how we thought through all these things. She said she supported the decision we felt was best for the next week if we chose an induction. Her only preference was that we don’t go past our due date because of his size.

38 Weeks Pregnant

Kevin has a successful lasik surgery and we both wrapped up work and continued to process an upcoming decision. In the meantime, we had the great privilege of attending a funeral for a dear friend’s father. We started our final weekend before Adrian’s arrival with a sobering reminder that life is precious. We cleared our schedule for the weekend and took time to rest as a family of five.

By Sunday morning, after a night of sporadic contractions, I felt as though Adrian’s head was engaged. I was having more contractions day and night but still nothing consistent enough to go in. Kevin and I were looking forward to going to church and worshiping together for what we felt peace would be our last church service before an induction.

During church service on Sunday, March 24, Kevin received a text message with devastating news. Another close friend’s son had passed away. Kevin and I both received prayer at church from our Prayer Team and wept. How could we process such heavy news in the same 48 hours that we would be meeting our very own son?

And yet, those 48 hours were a gift. We held our own three babies close. We prayed. We processed with community. We took comfort in the good news of the gospel.

From life’s first cry, to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.

There is much more to say about this moment but truly we are still processing the news. However, we know that God’s timing was not accidental. Adrian Ray’s name means wealth of light. Even in the darkness, God provides a ray of light, and the darkness cannot overcome it.

We had made it another week with my body ready to have a baby, nearly to that 39-week mark. The Lord gave us peace that it was time. I sent my doctor a portal message that we would like to be admitted for delivery instead of attending our 38.5 week appointment.

ADRIAN’S BIRTHDAY

Tuesday, March 26

6:30am

I woke up early and got in the shower, praying for the day. I was awaiting a call back from my doctor that morning with what time we should come in, if we should wait until our scheduled appointment time that afternoon, or head straight in to the Labor and Delivery.

7:30am

My doctor called and said to head straight to the hospital when we were ready, the Family Birthing Center at Lawrence Memorial Hospital was ready for us, and she wished me luck! I got off the phone and immediately got to share the news with our early riser and oldest child, Lydia. Adrian was coming today! We danced and shared the news with Kevin and Eliza as they were waking up.

Lydia wrote down a prayer for the day, one that I will treasure forever. I kept it with me for the hospital stay. In her sweet Kindergarten handwriting, it read, “Lord I feel excited. Please help me to be a big sister for the 3rd time.” I had my usual morning cuddles with Eliza, and we played and sang “sitting on Adrian” for the last time. CJ was the last to wake up. He came out of the room in a moment when the girls happened to follow Kevin downstairs. He sprinted down the long hallway and straight into my arms, and I held him tight. These were my first tears of the day, holding my eldest son. The last day that he would be my littlest baby. What a sweet season it’s been having CJ as the baby.

8:30am

I took Lydia to school blasting “Happy Day” and dancing in the car with the kids, then dropped Eliza, CJ, and suitcases off at my parents’ house. Kevin took our dog to my sister’s house and we agreed to meet back at home. We finished getting ready, packing up our things, and putting some finishing touches on the house. Finally, it was time to go to the hospital!

10:00am

When we arrived at the hospital, I quickly learned that I had been the fascination of the nurses and providers there since they heard the news that I was coming in. Who is this girl that has been walking around at 7cm for a week!? We were greeted with lots of smiles and laughter. They couldn’t believe I was carrying my own bags. (Little did they know that after finding out I was a 7cm, I had still finished my last workout at Blush Boot Camp a few days later, and even ran sprints while dilated at a 7cm, just to say I had!) I was very confident that my body was ready for labor, I just knew we’d need help getting it started!

We prayed over our room and over the day, and as my sister Rosie arrived, we processed our decision to be there. This was my fourth induction. The first one, Lydia, was not my choice, but her heart rate showed potential distress at my 39-week appointment, and I was admitted right away for an induction. For Eliza and CJ, both were elective inductions at 39.5 weeks, which felt more “desperate” than this one. I had been in so much pain and discomfort in my previous pregnancies, but in my final days of my pregnancy with Adrian, I felt physically better than I had at 24-weeks pregnant. What if something doesn’t go well or he’s not healthy, will we regret having an induction at 38.5 weeks? This was good to name, but we quickly spoke what was true. We knew my body was ready, and we knew Adrian was ready. We all made bets on how big he would be!

11:10am

The doctor on call came in and checked for dilation and confirmed I was at 7cm. She gave the all clear to break my water and ordered 2 units of Pitocin to help my contractions become more regular.

We then spent the next hour or so trying to get my IV in place. It’s actually a bit of tradition that I have a vein blown, apparently, I have thick veins. After two failed attempts and a blown vein, the nurse director came in and decided to call IV Therapy from a different wing of the hospital to come in and place two IVs. They wanted a back up placed because I was at a higher risk of hemorrhaging because it’s my fourth delivery. Luckily, the professional knew what he was doing, and IVs were placed.

12:30pm

Dr. Underwood returned to break my water and ordered our nurse, Abby, to start the Pitocin. Labor had officially started! We relaxed and decided to walk the hallways as we caught up with Rosie.

1:15pm

Pitocin was increased 2 units about every 45 minutes. Shortly after the first bump up, I felt my hormones shifting. I felt chills and my first contraction. But Kevin, Rosie and I were still very relaxed, chatting, and enjoying one another’s company. Pitocin was again increased to 6 units to help speed up contractions.

2:15pm

Around 2:15pm, I remember wondering when things would pick up. I looked at the clock and thought about how Eliza would get out of school at 3pm and Lydia at 3:50pm. I thought a lot about my other children during this hour as I had my first stronger contraction, one that I had to stop talking to focus and breathe through. Shortly after we started playing worship music in the room, the song It is Well came on, which reminded me of our angel baby, Micah, my third pregnancy that ended too soon. I felt the spirit of Micah with me even in this moment.

3:00pm

While I knew things were picking up, our nurse still increased Pitocin up to 8 units. I was feeling pressure on my back, so our nurse suggested being in a position that could help turn Adrian’s head in case the pressure in my back was related to him being sunny side up. With worship music playing loud, I labored bent over an elevated bed with my arms folded over the bed, swaying my hips with every contraction. When this position became uncomfortable, we moved the bed so that I could put my knees on the firm mattress and grasp the bed rails with my arms.

Every time a contraction came, I would straighten my back, hold the rails on each side of the bed, and breathe through the contraction. From this moment Kevin and Rosie didn’t leave my side. The phrase that Kevin and I repeated together through the pain was “It is Good.” This was our true statement. Pain, in this case, was not bad. Pain was good. Pain increasing meant we were closer to meeting Adrian.

3:14pm

Things were progressing quickly, and Kevin was adamant that I got checked again. Our nurse checked and I was up to a 9cm. She let our doctor know to be ready.

3:29pm

Within a few contractions, I was feeling the urge to push, and my doctor was waiting outside the door. We moved me into position.

While everyone came in the room and was ready for delivery, I had what felt like a moment that stood still.

I had relief between contractions.
I felt almost nothing except a calm and strong body.
As we waited for the next contraction to come, the whole room was in silence.

I closed my eyes and prayed.
I thanked God for the ability to be in that moment. I took in my whole body, what would be the final moment of this pregnancy, and likely pregnancy forever.

Peace washed over me.

3:33pm

I announced that a contraction was coming. My doctor gave reminders on how to push and told me when it was time. With one contraction and two pushes, Adrian was here.

My eyes were closed when I heard Kevin’s voice in my ears, weeping through tears: He’s here.

Adrian was wide awake, crying, screaming, and breathing.

I held him close on my skin and didn’t let go.

333

Adrian was born in LMH Room 333 at 3:33pm and weighed 9lbs and 9oz. All these numbers seemed far from a coincidence, especially given the symbolism of the number three during the same week we celebrate Easter.

The number three in the Bible represents the number of completion or wholeness. In the same way, Adrian has completed our family. In Scripture, words and phrases repeated 3 times are often important and carry significant spiritual meaning. We had three 3’s and multiples of 3’s, three times. Not to mention on Easter, we celebrate that after three days, Jesus was raised to life.

Already, Adrian has brought a wealth of light to our life and the lives of others. Our nurse at LMH had a few nursing students shadowing her that day who witnessed Adrian’s birth. I was told later by Rosie that each of the students in the room were taking in the worship music and crying as Adrian was born. Afterwards, they asked to hear more about the birth from my experience and leaned in as I opened up. I pray that God uses that moment as a witness and testament to His name in each of their lives. It was His strength that overwhelmed me throughout my pregnancy and during labor.

After our three children and local grandparents visited the hospital, we prepared for our first night of rest. It was in that moment, gazing at Adrian in the bassinet, that I had my second cry of the day. The shock and adrenaline had come down.

Kevin held me close as we took him in and I wept. He’s here.

We were home in time to celebrate Easter. To celebrate our Risen Lord, the Light of the world, who defeated death and darkness once and for all. The tomb is empty and the throne is occupied. Because He is risen, the light of life is given to those who follow Him.

As John 8:12 hangs on the wall above his crib and is repeated over him every night, may Adrian Ray remind us that God provides a wealth of light in every season.

naming adrian ray.

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Jesus spoke to them again: “I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” –John 8:12

In the beginning, the earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the surface of the watery depths. The Spirit of God was covering over the waters. Then God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God separated the light from the darkness (Genesis 1:1-4).

All things were created through Christ. In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. That light shines in the darkness, and yet the darkness cannot overcome it (John 1:3-5).

Even through sin, brokenness, and ever-present darkness, God would send His own Son to redeem the world and restore us into right relationship with Him. He is the light of the world. He is our hope and our salvation. Our wise counselor. Through Him, we have a wealth of light.

Adrian Ray means wealth of light and rich in wise counsel. The beginning of Adrian’s story starts this way.

B R A N C H E S . & . B U T T E R F L I E S .

For the first 18 months of Caleb’s life, Kevin and I were hurdling from one transition to the next (adjusting to becoming a family of five, two job changes, and two school changes, to name a few). As I dreamed about having a fourth child, the desire was there, deep down in the depth of my soul, but it was covered up with fear, practical logistics, and the straight up chaos of surviving our normal life.

On June 7, 2023, I set out to the patio of a local coffee shop spend extended time in solitude and in the presence of the Lord. I journaled, listened, read Scripture, and reflected. After a walk around the neighborhood, I came back to the same patio and looked out at the trees with my palms up. Lord, if there is anything you’d like to say to me, I am ready to receive it.

I felt my attention drawn to a particular tree with three large branches coming up from a strong center root. In asking the Lord if there was anything He would like to show me from this tree, my three children came to mind. I made a joke with God as I prayed, is this you confirming that three children are what you’ve called us to? If so Lord, please, give me peace.

I stared out at this tree and its branches for many moments longer. Several minutes passed before I realized – there was a fourth branch connected to the trunk. I started sketching the tree in my journal with a wide trunk and four branches. So much for the confirmation of three children, but could this be a sign to pray into a fourth? In that moment, I started writing down every fear I had about trusting God with having another child. From pregnancy fears to financial, logistical fears to the deeper fears of insecurity and inadequacy. I hit the core of my hesitation. Lord, I already feel like I constantly fail my three children. If we have one more, will I have the capacity to give my children what they need? Would another sibling be for their good? Will I be enough?

I looked back up at the tree. At this point I’m not sure how much time had passed, maybe 30 or 45 minutes. There had previously been no wildlife and minimal distractions. But in that exact moment after confessing my fears, three butterflies, each of different sizes and colors, gracefully flew almost exactly in front of the three primary branches. I felt the Lord whisper over me about my three children: In the coming of the fourth, they will soar. I will raise them up. I will protect them. I know what they need. Trust me.

From that moment on, after 1.5 years of wavering on the decision, I felt a peace to grow our family again and never looked back. The following week, Kevin and I had the gift of going on our 10-year wedding anniversary trip and spending several days alone praying through and processing this decision.

About 7 weeks later, a positive pregnancy test confirmed God’s perfect timing.

T H E . R E V E A L .

In a classic fifth pregnancy moment, I took a test after my brand-new, high-waisted summer shorts felt tight at the button. Kevin and I rejoiced at the excitement but kept the secret for a few days before sharing the news with our children. On a summer morning after a busy weekend, we told them that we had a surprise to share at breakfast. We made them wait an “unbearable” 30 minutes of anticipation while making muffins. As we all five sat down at the dining room table to eat, we shared our news.

Lydia (age 5) had an instant reaction of excitement. She’d been asking me when I’m going to have another baby for quite some time. She’s old enough to take in the news and completely understand the joy. For Eliza (age 3.5) it took her a moment to process at first. She listened intently to our interactions with Lydia and then it started to click. She was going to be a big sister, again! She joined in the cheering and the celebrating! CJ (age 1.5) was busy eating his muffin and wondering what all the commotion was about. It was a joyous moment!

In the weeks that followed I was often asked what I thought our baby was gender wise, or what I wanted. I loved the idea of another little girl, truly. I have adored being a girl mom and raising daughters. I also thought of my own family, three girls and one boy. We had planned to wait and find out at 20 weeks and do a fun “opening present” gender reveal with our kids. Kevin and Lydia were convinced it was a boy from the beginning, but for me it wasn’t until a friend of mine had a dream that we were having a boy, ironically “pulling something blue out of a box” during a gender reveal, that I pondered the reality of a boy in my heart.

Kevin and I started discussing names and when the name “Adrian” was said out loud, it sat differently in my heart. I remember that moment as the moment that the baby inside of me felt real for the first time – his own person, with his own name and his own soul.

Shortly after, I had a dream that we gave birth to a son and named him Adrian. If you’ve followed my journey at all you know that I’ve had gender dreams for 4 of my 5 pregnancies (Eliza, Micah, Caleb, and Adrian.) While with Micah, we will find out when we meet her in heaven, I was 2 for 2 with gender dreams for Eliza and CJ. The Lord at times speaks to me through visions and dreams, but I always remain open handed. Looking back though, it’s been a sweet part of my children’s stories to include these details. I also feel so known, loved, seen, and confirmed in my faith when these dreams and visions from God do come true.

At about 15 weeks pregnant, I got a message in a moms group that a pregnancy crisis center in town, Insight, needed some help. They had just purchased a new sonogram machine and needed women between 5-20 weeks pregnant to volunteer as models as they trained their techs in the new machine. While I didn’t expect to find out the gender early, I also was open if we’d get a clear shot of it. Either way it was a chance to help a ministry and non-profit organization we love.

During the sonogram, I closed my eyes for the gender scan. Immediately I heard a burst of laughter from the tech and others in training. “Yep,” she said. “We got a clear shot of the gender. Want us to print it out?” Of course, I did! They placed it in a sealed envelope for me to take home. While I didn’t want to assume that the laughter and clear shot was a boy, let’s be real, I was more likely to find out early with a boy!

That night at about 10pm on an evening in mid-October, after we had finally ended our day, Kevin and I opened the envelope.

A boy. He’s a boy. We’re having another son!

T H E . N A M I N G .

Two girls. Two boys. While it’s what I “wanted” the reality of it only seemed to be a part of my wildest dreams. Having two girls at the top – never did I imagine what it would be like to raise brothers on the bottom! I had similar feelings to when I found out my second child was a girl. How can I love another son as much as I love CJ? And yet I know, this time from experience, that the Lord will grow that space for me. Our family truly couldn’t be more thrilled!

In the weeks that followed we prayed that God would reveal his name. It became clearer to me as I looked at our name list that this boy’s name indeed was Adrian, just like God had given to me in my dream.

Another name at the top of our list was “Raymond” after Kevin’s grandfather. We considered both Raymond and Ray as a tribute to a beloved family member.

Kevin and I hold the personal conviction that names carry with them meaning and significance. While Raymond means “wise counsel” by itself, “Ray” can either refer to this same meaning, wise counsel, or also be taken literally “ray” as a word from the dictionary: a thin line or narrow beam of light or other radiation.

The name “Adrian” means “rich or wealth.” When you put together Adrian Ray, the meaning becomes “rich in wise counsel” or “wealth of light.”

As with our other children, Lydia Evelyn, Eliza Rose, Micah, and Caleb Jordan, we’ve often had their names confirmed through a passage of Scripture. In the naming, we have selected a Bible verse for each of our children that hangs above their beds and is repeated to them every night before they go to sleep.

As Kevin and I sat down to pray into Adrian Ray, we were brought to John 8:12.

“I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” – John 8:12

As we follow Jesus, we walk in an abundance of wise counsel. Wise counsel is found in the light. And the light of the world is Jesus. Just like a ray of light pierces through the darkness, we see Jesus as our hope in every season.

Adrian Ray will serve as a reminder of this wealth of light and richness in wise counsel that is found as we follow and walk with Jesus.

2 0 . W E E K S .

Finally, we are halfway through this pregnancy! Since finding out the gender early, we wanted to wait until it was confirmed at our 20-week sonogram to announce his name and confirm that yes, he is indeed a boy. Kevin and I had a wonderful sonogram seeing Adrian move around on the screen. We got a beautiful shot of him on his side, looking directly out at us. His long arms and legs stretched out wide. He measured in the 98% (!!) percentile, and my fluid levels were high, so we will do some additional monitoring in the months to come. Other than that, his organs and his development looked beautiful. We are blessed! We get to spend the week of Thanksgiving in thanksgiving, sharing his name and celebrating with friends and family.

Adrian’s due date is April 5, which is the week of Easter. My body is already feeling it carrying this big boy, and we still have a long way to go! Another 20 weeks will take us through all of December and the Christmas season, into the winter months of January and February, and finally, we will experience our own March Madness as we gear up for Adrian’s arrival. Four more months.

Adrian Ray, our prayer for you is that the light of Jesus shines brightly inside of you. As you follow Him and place your trust in Him, we pray that you would never walk in darkness, but that you would have the light of life. That He would be your abundant wise counsel, and that He would use you and these gifts He’s given you to bring Him glory.

We can’t wait to meet you, Adrian Ray.

rise redeemed

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