work ahead.

“You’re only as loved as your last success.”

My husband Kevin read those words aloud and they brought instant emotion and conviction. He was reading the description of an Enneagram Style-3 from the book The Road Back to You, a required reading for our upcoming Young Life staff conference.

There is no denying the truth: I am prone to live by this lie every single day.

The trouble is that this lie is a never-ending cycle. It doesn’t matter if one day I’m a professional athlete, or getting married, or having a baby, or starting a new job. Days or sometimes hours after achieving the goal, the same lie creeps in: that was yesterday’s success… but what are you doing now? Who do people see you as today? Are your accomplishments today worth others loving you?

As a 3, my heart question is Who am I to this group? I am constantly aware of my public image, and when my accomplishments don’t match the public image that I seek to have, I feel deep shame. In believing this lie, I am fooled into thinking that my public image is all that I am. I can let my drive to succeed overpower everything else in my life. As a 3-wing-2, I am especially sensitive to whether others notice or approve of my successes or accomplishments.

Fortunately, this isn’t the end of the road for me. What I enjoy about the Enneagram test is it exposes your internal motivations but also says this: don’t stay there. Through self-awareness, confession, repentance, prayer, and accountability, I have the opportunity to choose God’s truth and seek healthy change.


T R U T H .

I am more than my success. I am more than the image others see. I am a child of God, loved not for what I do but for who I am (1 John 3:1).

Failure simply reminds me that I have a God who never fails. It reminds me of my utter dependence not on my own power, but on the transforming power of God (1 Corinthians 1:9, Romans 12:2).

I don’t need approval from other people, only from the Lord. Because of Jesus’ death on the Cross, God’s wrath was already poured out for my sin. There is no condemnation. The debt has been paid. Because of Jesus’ accomplishment on the Cross, God approves of me. His love for me is not contingent on my worldly or holy accomplishments (Galatians 1:10, Romans 8:1).

I don’t have to cut corners for the sake of getting things done. I can seek the Lord and seek patience, trusting that His timing is perfect. I can be present with my family and friends and trust that the work will get done (2 Peter 3:8-9).


T I M I N G .

The timing of this staff conference and the processing that followed came in the midst of a season of accomplishments: finishing a master’s degree and moving forward with a dream job opportunity doing marketing and communications for Young Life College.

As many of you know, I left a career in college athletics days before my daughter Lydia was born because my heart was in ministry. Without having a set job, I knew that God was calling me to wait and focus on learning to be a mom and finishing my master’s before asking the question: What’s next? I wondered what life would be like as a stay-at-home mom. Will I enjoy it? Will I go crazy?

About three weeks postpartum, I found myself creating work. In the midst of a financial deficit for our local Young Life area, I started putting together a team of people to support Kevin and our other local staff and came alongside my husband in support raising. Four weeks postpartum, I was ready to start back up my master’s program after a brief leave of absence. I looked forward to school work and any Young Life project I could get my hands on. I was quickly affirmed: I genuinely enjoy work.

All of this said, I had plans to finish my master’s degree around the same time as Lydia’s first birthday. The vision of walking down the University of Kansas campanile hill on graduation day with my one-year-old daughter cheering me on became my motivation. I surrendered to the Lord: I won’t try to discern what’s next for work. I will wait, pursue patience, and focus on family and ministry. When grad school is done, I will discern God’s will for what’s next.


T O M O R R O W .

Ironically, this Young Life conference for staff and their spouses came the same week as my finals. I almost didn’t go, but I’m so glad that I did. I had the opportunity to get away for a few days and seek the Lord on what was next.

Through learning about myself over this last year, balancing part-time work and grad school, I found that this was actually really enjoyable and healthy for me as a “Style-3.” If you know the Enneagram, this statement comes at no surprise to you as a 3. On the positive side, I desire productivity and efficiency, bringing projects to completion, and accomplishing goals. I am driven, motivated, energetic, and enjoy being busy. I am a multi-tasker who is able to think about and balance several things at once.

Pursuing advancement and more hours in my ministry career doesn’t just have to happen because my family could use the finances, but because I actually, really and truly, enjoy work.

I prayed to God for an opportunity in ministry that would provide finances yet also have the flexibility needed as a pastor’s wife and a mom to littles.

I prayed that my heart would be genuine in wanting this not out of my default, self-promoting motivations but because it’s God’s will.

I prayed that my natural motivation to accomplish goals would be used not just for my own benefit, but to serve the Kingdom of God. I want to compete for His glory, not my own.

God has and is continuing to answer those prayers in the work ahead.

With my Master’s in Business Administration out of the way, it feels so good to move forward in freedom with being a working mom, even with Baby #2 on the way. I love my job doing communications, marketing, and event planning for Young Life College and I can’t wait to see where the Lord takes my career in the future!



One of the best ways that I can love my daughter is by modeling for her a woman who chases the dreams that God places in her heart.

How can I possibly teach her to chase her dreams if I’m not chasing my own?

Thank you, Lord
come true.

six months.

As Lydia turns six months old, I have been reflecting on a few things I’ve learned over this past half-year about myself in light of who God is. Here are six things in honor of celebrating six months of Lydia’s life.

O N E .

He still wants all of my heart.

It’s truly hard to put into words how I feel about my daughter. The best way I can think to explain it must start with the reminder that she was once a literal part of me. I was pregnant with Lydia for nine months. I felt her grow inside of me. The same way that I feel a oneness with the Spirit of God who lives inside of me, I felt one with Lydia. I felt her move and felt connected emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to her. As we spent that time bonding while she was in my womb, she truly felt like a part of me, and that feeling didn’t go away when she was born. She was set on my chest after birth and it still felt like she was a part of me. Even now, when I nurse her or she lays on my skin, I sense that same connection. So naturally, it’s not easy to be away from her. When I’m away from her, it feels like a part of me is missing.

And now I see why some mommas wait years before having their first night away from their babies. It doesn’t feel natural to do so. With all that being said, this past month I had a few overnight opportunities away from the home that brought upon a decision. Do I limit my capacity in these once-in-a-lifetime activities, or spend nights away from Lydia? (One was the wedding of a close friend that included a few overnights with the bridal party, and the other was a conference in Seattle.) As I prayed about a decision to bring Lydia with me or to let a trusted family member care for her, the Lord reminded me that He wants all of my heart. Choosing to leave Lydia in someone else’s care isn’t not loving her. It’s actually letting go of control and trusting that her life is safe in God’s hand. It also for me was a simple act to remind myself that while I love Lydia very deeply, my heart belongs to God.

T W O .

He’s still calling me outside the home.

Picking right back up with where I left off from point one, I’ve learned that He’s still calling me outside of the home and into the lives of others. While I spend most days at home with Lydia and her daily care is my greatest priority, the Lord hasn’t stopped my calling to love my neighbors, to love those in my community, and to reach out to the broken hearted. While my primary ministry is within my home to my husband and to my daughter, in this season, He has only increased my fire and calling to reach the lost with the good news of Jesus. I’ve loved filling my weeks meeting with students, having friends over for dinner, and creating a rhythm of life around our Young Life College ministry. For more on this, read my past post Family on Mission. At the end of the day, I’m learning to walk in obedience to where God is calling me both inside and outside of the home.

T H R E E .

He will follow through with His promises.

A year ago, I was three months pregnant and I was beginning to plan for life after Lydia’s birth. In praying, the Lord gave me peace about a few things. He gave me peace to pray boldly for a paid job in ministry. But He also gave me peace in this sense to stop trying to figure it out now, because there was something that He wanted to show me first on the other side of Lydia being born. So, for the next 9 months, I didn’t try to figure it out. I just waited. I tried to be present and faithful where He was calling me. I finished what was my current full-time job. I was present with Lydia during maternity time. I served my husband in his job. I served my local Young Life area as a volunteer, pursuing a calling over a job title. If you’ve been following my blog, I wrote about this in my entry, Promotions.

Yet over the past few months I started to doubt His promise. I questioned if He was going to follow through with the promise He’d given me – that He would provide a job – that He would show me what’s next. I constantly asked: How am I going to help provide financially for my family while maintaining my ministry here in Lawrence? We had a few months of high financial output and low input as a family. I knew that this wasn’t sustainable long-term and that ultimately, I would need to find work that paid. But I also knew that God wasn’t calling me away from the mission of Young Life College and helping reach lost students with the Gospel of Jesus. I doubted wondering, how is this all going to work together?

Out of a few weeks of doubt, I decided to pick up some softball lessons on the side to make some money but to keep walking forward in faith. Within a few weeks, Bill Reazer, our Young Life College Midwest Divisional Coordinator, reached out to me with a job opportunity. Part-time, paid work that I could do from home. I would serve YL College throughout the Midwest in a communications and administrative role, which fully aligns with my giftings. I can balance it alongside the ministry I’m doing with students at KU and being home with Lydia. As I write this, I’ve fully stepped into this role, and it still feels surreal. One year later, I am in awe of God’s faithfulness. I am actually in shock that He’s answered such a specific prayer.

It’s safe to say that I doubted His voice. I thought to myself – maybe I made that up, maybe that wasn’t really God speaking. Yet I was able to confess and crush those doubts and continue walking in faith with the help of my husband and my community. And now I get the great privilege of saying: Look what God did! He followed through with His promise to me!

F O U R .

He is in control.

And thank God He is! When I take a step back and look at my life, it’s nothing the way I thought it would be five years ago, but at the same time, better than I could have ever imagined it. I never thought that I would settle down in Lawrence and work part-time from home so I could live a life of full-time ministry. I also don’t think I could have ever imagined a more perfect, beautiful, and happy little baby that I get to call my daughter. One thing that I’ve been wrestling with, in the midst of my blessings, is why in this season I am so blessed while I see many of my friends suffering. I see friends processing through child loss or infertility. I see friends who have lost a loved one. I see friends struggle with depression, anxiety, and abuse. Yet I know that suffering is not unique to them. We will all go through suffering—the question is when.

And that is why our ultimate hope must stand on the One who never changes. The One who gives us a reason for our suffering. The One who says – you think I don’t use suffering for good? Just look at what I did on the Cross. Trusting that the ultimate goal in this life isn’t to avoid suffering, it’s to glorify Jesus. And honestly, we have more opportunities to fulfil our greatest calling to glorify God and grow in our relationship with Him when we are suffering. So, when I hit that season, because it will come, may I remember in the valley what the Lord has been teaching me on the mountain.

For more on this, see my previous post Life & Death.

F I V E .

He is a perfect Father.

As a parent, I will fail. I won’t be perfect. I will sin against Lydia. I will take her for granted. I will not love her and give her my full attention in some of the moments that she needs it. I will try, but I will fail. In my imperfections, may the perfection of my heavenly Father be that much louder.

And thank you God that you are a perfect and Holy Father not just to me, but to my daughter as well. I remind myself constantly that she needs You more than she needs me. And You are perfect for her. Thank you.

S I X .

He’s doing more than I can see.

I can’t see what life will be like a few weeks from now, let alone a few years from now. What He’s calling me to now is daily faithfulness.

Spend time in His Word.
Be present with my family.
Manage the home.
Finish my master’s degree.
Serve the mission of Young Life.
Love those around me.
Keep showing up in peoples’ lives.

What I don’t see is how He will use all of this daily faithfulness in the future. But after ten years of my best attempt at day-to-day faith, I get to look back and see that He has truly done immeasurably more than all I could ask or imagine, according to His work within me, and for His glory. He has been faithful to fulfil His promises, even if they didn’t turn out how I imagined or in the time I wanted them too. And even now, He’s doing more than I can see. He’s taking daily faithfulness and multiplying my efforts for His Kingdom Come. And it truly is joy, peace, and life.

family on mission.

It’s 7:45 on a Tuesday morning. My three-month old sleeps next to me quietly in her portable bassinet next to the dining room table. She’s been awake long enough to already earn her first nap of the day. My husband left the house early to meet with a student for morning coffee. Even our dog is sleeping on his bed in our living room. The house is quiet and the only sounds are the clock ticking and the occasional car driving by.

In this place I am able to sit down and write. It’s been too long since I’ve done this.

Much has happened since my last blog post announcing my move into full-time ministry. We had a house full of guests for about six weeks straight – no wonder I’m enjoying the quiet! Family came in multiple waves to spend time with our little one and we opened up our home to friends who needed a temporary place to stay. Not to mention we took an end-of-the-summer vacation and a sometimes-regretfully, do-it-ourselves bathroom remodel. I finished a grad school class and we have been working hard to prepare for another school year of college ministry.

The summer has ended and time is flying by. Lydia is changing every day and discovering the world around her. It’s this week, as the new school year starts and Lydia has gone from newborn to infant by definition, that I am overwhelmed by the joy of being a family on mission together.


M I S S I O N A R Y . F A M I L Y .

Kevin and I are perhaps unique in that we share the same calling as husband and wife: to reach college students at the University of Kansas and help them grow in their faith. The calling we have is as strong as if we were missionaries sent abroad, except our mission field is in our own backyard and in my own hometown.

When we dreamed of having a family years ago, our goal was that our life wouldn’t stop when we had kids. Instead, whatever God was calling us to do in that season, our children would join us in that calling. They would become a part of our ministry team rather than hindering us from pursuing it.

And so, on the very day that we drove home from the hospital after Lydia’s birth, we took the scenic route home. From north Lawrence to our home on the south side, we cut right through the center of town so we could show our 4-day-old the place where our family is called to do ministry.

We showed her the University of Kansas campus, our mission field.

As we drove around Memorial Stadium and up the hill to Jayhawk Boulevard, we prayed for Lydia and for our family’s mission. We prayed that God would use Lydia to reach college students at the University of Kansas with the good news of Jesus.


O N E . D A Y . A T . A . T I M E .

And while our calling hasn’t, our everyday life has indeed changed with this little one. I know that there will be days when I need to choose her over student ministry. I may leave our meetings early so I can put her to sleep, step away so I can feed her or meet her needs, or say no to something good so that we can maintain healthy boundaries and prioritize time as a family.

Someone asked me how I was feeling about the year of ministry with Lydia, and I responded with my plan: take it one day at a time. She’s changing so quickly and it’s impossible to predict what her needs will be a few days from now, let alone weeks or months! We’ll take two cars places for a while. She may end up joining us at Young Life Club all semester, or we may end up getting a babysitter by the end of it. But for now, I am loving having her come with us to meet new students. In fact, she draws them in and gives us the best conversation starter. She enjoys the countless people that love on her and want to hold her and make her smile.

Here’s to the start of another school-year of ministry, transitioning from a family of two to a family of three.

One day at a time, this is my constant prayer:

As a family, may we go where the Lord sends us.
As a family, may we pray for those the Lord brings us.
As a family, may we serve where the Lord calls us.
As a family, may we love as the Lord loves us.


“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:19-20)


Last November I tagged along with my husband to the annual Young Life College conference in New York City. Almost 13 weeks pregnant, I’d just recently had a conversation with my boss informing her that at the end softball season, I would not be continuing on as the KU Director of Softball Operations. I wasn’t leaving for another job nor was I leaving to be a stay-at-home mom. I knew that my vocational calling was in ministry. There was no job waiting for me, but I needed to have faith and trust the Lord in this calling even if it didn’t make logistical sense.

At that conference, we got to hear from a profound speaker who is on the executive leadership of Young Life. He told a compelling story of how he took a professional demotion to follow God’s calling in his life. His words have stayed with me through this season:

“A promotion in this life is getting one step closer to the thing that God has ultimately created you to do.”

God gave me confidence and clarity in that moment. Yes, I’m leaving a career that has a clean and clear road to professional prosperity and financial security. Yet it feels like this step out of college athletics and into full-time ministry is a promotion.


T H E . B E G I N N I N G .

For the past eight years, I have been serving in a ministry called Young Life. I became a student leader as a sophomore in college while I was also a student-athlete at the University of Kansas. My husband Kevin, who I was dating at the time, also became a volunteer Young Life Leader in the same year. Pouring our lives into college students, building relationships with them, mentoring them, and helping them grow in their faith has always been a passion that both Kevin and I have shared. This ministry is what kept us in Lawrence even after we both graduated from the University of Kansas and got married. In 2014, when we realized that full-time ministry with college students in Lawrence was our long-term calling, I was interning with Young Life and Kevin was preparing to transition out of personal training and into a full-time, paid role as KU Young Life College Director. The following year, I was a private softball coach and pursing this joint mission with most of my time alongside Kevin.

In the spring of 2016, I was offered the position as Director of Operations for the KU Softball Team and a chance to work under my former Head Coach, Megan Smith. Since I was already established in Lawrence, this opportunity was too good to pass up. I knew that taking this job in college athletics ultimately meant that I would be sacrificing Young Life, but at the same time, this job still fit into my primary calling to serve college students at the University of Kansas. In my mind, this just narrowed my focus to serving the softball student-athletes. I was excited to be around the game again at a high level and wondered what God had for me in the world of college athletics.


T H E . P R E S E N T .

During my two years as Director of Operations, I learned a lot about a career in college athletics and a lot about myself. I loved working under Coach Smith and of course working for my alma mater. Being around the game again was energizing and exciting for me. The Director of Operations job was difficult and tedious, but after my first year, I felt like I settled into my role and was thriving. However, I also quickly discovered that a career in college athletics meant sacrificing my gifts and calling to be in full-time ministry. While I was serving college students in a sense, I was more behind the scenes instead of in a direct mentoring and leadership role.

I missed the ability to build deep relationships with college students.
I missed leading Bible Studies and teaching students about Jesus.
I missed our weekly Young Life Clubs and engaging with new students.
I missed helping students find a community where they would be accepted and loved for who they are.
I missed spending my days working alongside my husband to reach students with the gospel of Jesus, build them up as leaders, and launch them into the real world.

Additionally, my administrative gifts that helped me succeed as a Director of Softball Operations were also needed in Douglas County Young Life. Kevin is such a natural pastor, teacher, and evangelist, but he needed help with the event planning and fundraising that comes with vocational full-time ministry. As his wife, who also feels a deep calling to this mission, I’ve felt compelled to come into more of a direct role by his side to help out in these specific areas.

We had dreamed about the upcoming transition even before the exciting news that I was pregnant with our first child! Our daughter Lydia’s anticipated arrival only confirmed that the time was now to pursue my calling because of my ability to work from home or bring Lydia on the job with me in ministry. In God’s perfect timing, Lydia’s due date was in mid-May, just after the conclusion of softball season. Sure enough, I packed up my office on May 11 and went into labor three days later! I’ve had the great joy of easing in to my new role with Young Life and in full-time ministry ever since.


T H E . F U T U R E .

Already, this summer has been filled with ministry to students who are in town and planning ahead for the upcoming school year. Our Young Life students love to come over to our house and hold Lydia while we talk about Jesus and life, and this brings me so much joy!

I also took over as the volunteer chair of our Young Life Committee for donor care and am using my gifts to serve on the financial side of our non-profit organization. Additionally, I am serving the greater mission of Young Life as a Personal Donor Development Coach, mentoring new Young Life Staff in their journey of fundraising personal support. While these two roles give me titles and direction, they don’t pay much. My dream is to help our organization get in a place financially where my role would turn into a part-time paid position that would be more sustainable for our family long-term. But this dream is ultimately uncertain and not guaranteed.

Regardless, I have learned this:

Permission to pursue a calling
does not come from a job title or a paid role,
but from a personal prayer life.

Seeking the Lord in prayer for the last five years since graduating college has put me on a path that has lead me here. I am more confident than ever in my gifts, my calling, and where the Lord is asking me to work and serve with the best of my time.


T H E . B O T T O M . L I N E .

As I step forward into this new season of motherhood, I wanted to share this important part of my journey too. Not only am I fulfilling my calling as a mother, but I’m also living freely in my calling to pursue the work that God has before me. The Enneagram-Type-3 “Achiever” in me has battled through a false need for having a paid job to be in ministry, but the Holy Spirit reminds me that’s not how the kingdom of God works.

So yes, I’m a stay-at-home mom perhaps by society’s standards. But to me, I went back to work the day I got home from the hospital. My work simply doesn’t look like the world’s work. There’s no paycheck transferred into my bank account right now, but my reward is in the joy and satisfaction of knowing that I’m walking in obedience to God’s calling on my life.

So here I am
by no means have I arrived
and yet
I’m one step closer
to what my Father in Heaven
ultimately created me to do
for His glory
and my good

Cheers to promotions.


“And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:6)