Jesus spoke to them again: “I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” –John 8:12

In the beginning, the earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the surface of the watery depths. The Spirit of God was covering over the waters. Then God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God separated the light from the darkness (Genesis 1:1-4).

All things were created through Christ. In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. That light shines in the darkness, and yet the darkness cannot overcome it (John 1:3-5).

Even through sin, brokenness, and ever-present darkness, God would send His own Son to redeem the world and restore us into right relationship with Him. He is the light of the world. He is our hope and our salvation. Our wise counselor. Through Him, we have a wealth of light.

Adrian Ray means wealth of light and rich in wise counsel. The beginning of Adrian’s story starts this way.

B R A N C H E S . & . B U T T E R F L I E S .

For the first 18 months of Caleb’s life, Kevin and I were hurdling from one transition to the next (adjusting to becoming a family of five, two job changes, and two school changes, to name a few). As I dreamed about having a fourth child, the desire was there, deep down in the depth of my soul, but it was covered up with fear, practical logistics, and the straight up chaos of surviving our normal life. 

On June 7, 2023, I set out to the patio of a local coffee shop spend extended time in solitude and in the presence of the Lord. I journaled, listened, read Scripture, and reflected. After a walk around the neighborhood, I came back to the same patio and looked out at the trees with my palms up. Lord, if there is anything you’d like to say to me, I am ready to receive it.

I felt my attention drawn to a particular tree with three large branches coming up from a strong center root. In asking the Lord if there was anything He would like to show me from this tree, my three children came to mind. I made a joke with God as I prayed, is this you confirming that three children are what you’ve called us to? If so Lord, please, give me peace.

I stared out at this tree and its branches for many moments longer. Several minutes passed before I realized – there was a fourth branch connected to the trunk. I started sketching the tree in my journal with a wide trunk and four branches. So much for the confirmation of three children, but could this be a sign to pray into a fourth? In that moment, I started writing down every fear I had about trusting God with having another child. From pregnancy fears to financial, logistical fears to the deeper fears of insecurity and inadequacy. I hit the core of my hesitation. Lord, I already feel like I constantly fail my three children. If we have one more, will I have the capacity to give my children what they need? Would another sibling be for their good? Will I be enough? 

I looked back up at the tree. At this point I’m not sure how much time had passed, maybe 30 or 45 minutes. There had previously been no wildlife and minimal distractions. But in that exact moment after confessing my fears, three butterflies, each of different sizes and colors, gracefully flew almost exactly in front of the three primary branches. I felt the Lord whisper over me about my three children: In the coming of the fourth, they will soar. I will raise them up. I will protect them. I know what they need. Trust me.

From that moment on, after 1.5 years of wavering on the decision, I felt a peace to grow our family again and never looked back. The following week, Kevin and I had the gift of going on our 10-year wedding anniversary trip and spending several days alone praying through and processing this decision.

About 7 weeks later, a positive pregnancy test confirmed God’s perfect timing.

T H E . R E V E A L .

In a classic fifth pregnancy moment, I took a test after my brand-new, high-waisted summer shorts felt tight at the button. Kevin and I rejoiced at the excitement but kept the secret for a few days before sharing the news with our children. On a summer morning after a busy weekend, we told them that we had a surprise to share at breakfast. We made them wait an “unbearable” 30 minutes of anticipation while making muffins. As we all five sat down at the dining room table to eat, we shared our news.

Lydia (age 5) had an instant reaction of excitement. She’d been asking me when I’m going to have another baby for quite some time. She’s old enough to take in the news and completely understand the joy. For Eliza (age 3.5) it took her a moment to process at first. She listened intently to our interactions with Lydia and then it started to click. She was going to be a big sister, again! She joined in the cheering and the celebrating! CJ (age 1.5) was busy eating his muffin and wondering what all the commotion was about. It was a joyous moment!

In the weeks that followed I was often asked what I thought our baby was gender wise, or what I wanted. I loved the idea of another little girl, truly. I have adored being a girl mom and raising daughters. I also thought of my own family, three girls and one boy. We had planned to wait and find out at 20 weeks and do a fun “opening present” gender reveal with our kids. Kevin and Lydia were convinced it was a boy from the beginning, but for me it wasn’t until a friend of mine had a dream that we were having a boy, ironically “pulling something blue out of a box” during a gender reveal, that I pondered the reality of a boy in my heart.

Kevin and I started discussing names and when the name “Adrian” was said out loud, it sat differently in my heart. I remember that moment as the moment that the baby inside of me felt real for the first time – his own person, with his own name and his own soul.

Shortly after, I had a dream that we gave birth to a son and named him Adrian. If you’ve followed my journey at all you know that I’ve had gender dreams for 4 of my 5 pregnancies (Eliza, Micah, Caleb, and Adrian.) While with Micah, we will find out when we meet her in heaven, I was 2 for 2 with gender dreams for Eliza and CJ. The Lord at times speaks to me through visions and dreams, but I always remain open handed. Looking back though, it’s been a sweet part of my children’s stories to include these details. I also feel so known, loved, seen, and confirmed in my faith when these dreams and visions from God do come true. 

At about 15 weeks pregnant, I got a message in a moms group that a pregnancy crisis center in town, Insight, needed some help. They had just purchased a new sonogram machine and needed women between 5-20 weeks pregnant to volunteer as models as they trained their techs in the new machine. While I didn’t expect to find out the gender early, I also was open if we’d get a clear shot of it. Either way it was a chance to help a ministry and non-profit organization we love. 

During the sonogram, I closed my eyes for the gender scan. Immediately I heard a burst of laughter from the tech and others in training. “Yep,” she said. “We got a clear shot of the gender. Want us to print it out?” Of course, I did! They placed it in a sealed envelope for me to take home. While I didn’t want to assume that the laughter and clear shot was a boy, let’s be real, I was more likely to find out early with a boy!

That night at about 10pm on an evening in mid-October, after we had finally ended our day, Kevin and I opened the envelope.

A boy. He’s a boy. We’re having another son!

T H E . N A M I N G .

Two girls. Two boys. While it’s what I “wanted” the reality of it only seemed to be a part of my wildest dreams. Having two girls at the top – never did I imagine what it would be like to raise brothers on the bottom! I had similar feelings to when I found out my second child was a girl. How can I love another son as much as I love CJ?  And yet I know, this time from experience, that the Lord will grow that space for me. Our family truly couldn’t be more thrilled!

In the weeks that followed we prayed that God would reveal his name. It became clearer to me as I looked at our name list that this boy’s name indeed was Adrian, just like God had given to me in my dream.

Another name at the top of our list was “Raymond” after Kevin’s grandfather. We considered both Raymond and Ray as a tribute to a beloved family member. 

Kevin and I hold the personal conviction that names carry with them meaning and significance. While Raymond means “wise counsel” by itself, “Ray” can either refer to this same meaning, wise counsel, or also be taken literally “ray” as a word from the dictionary: a thin line or narrow beam of light or other radiation. 

The name “Adrian” means “rich or wealth.” When you put together Adrian Ray, the meaning becomes “rich in wise counsel” or “wealth of light.”

As with our other children, Lydia Evelyn, Eliza Rose, Micah, and Caleb Jordan, we’ve often had their names confirmed through a passage of Scripture. In the naming, we have selected a Bible verse for each of our children that hangs above their beds and is repeated to them every night before they go to sleep.

As Kevin and I sat down to pray into Adrian Ray, we were brought to John 8:12. 

“I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” – John 8:12

As we follow Jesus, we walk in an abundance of wise counsel. Wise counsel is found in the light. And the light of the world is Jesus. Just like a ray of light pierces through the darkness, we see Jesus as our hope in every season.

Adrian Ray will serve as a reminder of this wealth of light and richness in wise counsel that is found as we follow and walk with Jesus.

2 0 . W E E K S .

Finally, we are halfway through this pregnancy! Since finding out the gender early, we wanted to wait until it was confirmed at our 20-week sonogram to announce his name and confirm that yes, he is indeed a boy. Kevin and I had a wonderful sonogram seeing Adrian move around on the screen. We got a beautiful shot of him on his side, looking directly out at us. His long arms and legs stretched out wide. He measured in the 98% (!!) percentile, and my fluid levels were high, so we will do some additional monitoring in the months to come. Other than that, his organs and his development looked beautiful. We are blessed! We get to spend the week of Thanksgiving in thanksgiving, sharing his name and celebrating with friends and family.

Adrian’s due date is April 5, which is the week of Easter. My body is already feeling it carrying this big boy, and we still have a long way to go! Another 20 weeks will take us through all of December and the Christmas season, into the winter months of January and February, and finally, we will experience our own March Madness as we gear up for Adrian’s arrival. Four more months.

Adrian Ray, our prayer for you is that the light of Jesus shines brightly inside of you. As you follow Him and place your trust in Him, we pray that you would never walk in darkness, but that you would have the light of life. That He would be your abundant wise counsel, and that He would use you and these gifts He’s given you to bring Him glory.

We can’t wait to meet you, Adrian Ray.